Sephiroth Discovers The Web
by The Almighty Mian
Summary: What happens when our favorite white-haired one-winged bishie picks up on a little thing called the internet?


WOOT! I **FINALLY **got this up. I wrote it, like, early September 2009. It's been lying on my computer for AGES. This fanfic was inspired by the Code Geass fanfic, Lelouch Gets A Myspace by One Sided Pancake. It's awesome, READ IT!

I love bishies XD

Oh, and scattered all over this fic are some stupid puns I made up. So... watch out for that.

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII. That much is obvious.

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_W__hat the eff,_ Sephiroth thought as he stared absently around him. _I got beaten _again_. Seriously… I impale and I incinerate and I torture and I show so much awesomeness, but in the end, I _still_ lose? Eff it all._

He looked around the void. _This Lifestream thing is getting a little boring, _he thought_. After all, there's not much to do here. Not since I lost control of Cloud's mind._

"Hello?" he called out. He half expected to hear Aerith or Zack, since they were the only ones who would go near him. Instead, he heard a sort of clicking sound, and people mumbling. _What the heck is that…? I'd better go follow it._

He soon stumbled upon Aerith, Zack, and a few kids who've died from Geostigma in a field of flowers. They were all crouched over something, and didn't seem to notice his presence. Which was weird, because they should've smelled his vanilla-scented hair.

They did smell him soon enough, though. The kids looked up at him and scurried away without another word.

"Hey, psycho!" Zack greeted him cheerfully.

"What is it, Sephiroth?" Aerith said, still smiling. _Oh well, _Sephiroth thought, _at least she's not bitter about me killing her and all._

"I heard… sounds."

"Ohhh… what kind of sounds?" Aerith said.

"Clicking sounds, maybe?" Zack suggested.

"Yes."

"Oh, hey, that's just my new Mac!" Zack announced gleefully, holding up a laptop.

"A computer?"

"Not just ANY computer, man! The newest model! Well… Aerith's VAIO is still cooler, since it's Sony and all, and I'm kind of a Sony person because of this RPG game I played the other day, I think it was a prequel to something, but this one is equipped with state-of-the-art Adobe programs, a mean antivirus, and wireless internet connection!"

Everything else Sephiroth knew about; the laptop models, the Adobe programs, everything he had just said, except for…

"Internet?"

"You've never heard of the internet?" Aerith quipped.

"Not that I recall. Why?" he said, his head still held up high.

"Wow, Sephiroth. How _old_ are you, seriously?" Zack said.

"I believe I am thirty-two―" Zack cut him off.

"Do you know what it is?"

"No," Sephiroth said. _I'm missing something here._

Immediately, Zack launched into an enthusiastic, graphic and overly-detailed description of the World Wide Web. He waved him arms about, doing gestures as he spoke, and even went jumping about, until Aerith yelled, "Don't step on the flowers!"

"Sorry," he panted, finally stopping. He then grabbed Sephiroth's shoulder and yanked him toward the Mac, still explaining the wonders of the Net.

Sephiroth stood in awe at what he was looking at. A building of knowledge, communication…

"There's porn in it, though. I've heard there's even some hardcore guy-on-guy stuff, and a bunch of other really sick things. Aerith said I'd die a second time if she ever caught me going to those. I've never had, though, but I thought about it once when I was thirteen…" Zack babbled as he typed in an address.

"'Facebook'?" Sephiroth said. _Could there possibly be a book of all the faces on Gaia or something…?_

"Yeah. It's where you connect with your friends, and upload pics, update your status, sell stuff… Angeal's already got about 800 friends."

"Angeal's got a Facebook profile?"

"Yeah… his e-mail address is 'perfect_monster14_ sldr. shinra. com'."

Sephiroth was caught off guard. "WHAT?"

"Yeah, I know!" Zack chuckled hysterically. "Genesis has one, too. Check this out…" He clicked 'Genesis Rhapsodos' on his friends list.

Sephiroth's eyes widened in shock and disbelief at what he was seeing. He knew Genesis was kind of eccentric and flamboyant and all, but... _this?_

_'LovelessRedhead sldr. shinra. com'_

Zack chuckled slightly. "Hehe… yep, I know that look."

"What's yours?"

"Zackfairlycute sldr. shinra. com."

"And Aerith's?"

"Hers is so unimaginative―"

"HEY!"

"Oh, sorry, Aerith… Hers is 'flowergirlancient lifestream. com'."

"Huh…" Sephiroth's mind raced. _I can surf porn. I can have a Facebook profile. I can have a weird e-mail address. I can check up on my friends and enemies. In just a click._

_ Which reminds me…_

"Wait… does Cloud have one?"

"Of course!" Zack yelled happily, clicking on 'Cloud Strife'. "His first address was SpikySoldier1st, but he uses his new one, here…"

Zack pointed the mouse to a line that said 'omnislash811 midgar. com'.

"I saw him when he was making his e-mail address, but 'imatfaultforeverything' and 'iblamemyselfforitall' were already taken, so..."

As Cloud's, Angeal's, Genesis', and everyone else's profiles flooded onto the screen, Sephiroth's mind filled.

_Knowledge is power. Power is deadly. Time is gold. Water is good but there is something better. The internet is cool._

He immediately scurried off to find the nearest electronics shop in the Lifestream and bought a VAIO― in lizard silver. Then he had Zack connect him to the web.

And so it begins.

Sephiroth quickly ran off to his spot and created profiles for Facebook, Myspace, Multiply, Youtube, Friendster, Square Enix, Twitter, Plurk, AdventChildren. net, Dogster, IMDb, Gaia Online (get it― Gaia?), Mognet, Shinra. com, Lifestream. com, Midgar. com, Club Penguin, Weeworld, Meez, Barbie Girls, a couple of not-well-known sites called Yahoo and Google, _everything. _His mail filled instantly with verification mails, spam, welcome mails, forwards, updates, and even one from Cloud that said: "WTF? Ur email's SilverHairedAncient? OMG LOL XD." Overall, Sephiroth had a great time.

Or is still having.

Sephiroth never left. He never once unplugged the charger, he never once closed the laptop, he never once moved anything apart from his pupils and hands, and he never once, not once, BLINKED.

By the time he had 2,194,943,012,926 followers on Twitter (mostly fangirls... obviously XD), his ass was numb, his mint green eyes had turned red, his laptop was beyond the point of being called 'overheated', and his hair stank from not being washed. Plus, his eye bags drooped down to his cheeks.

And by the time he had uploaded a total of 91,069,853 photos and videos on Multiply, his laptop exploded. Sephiroth blinked absently, his fingers (now bloody and sore) still typing on the charred keyboard.

He blinked again, stood up, and fell on his face as his whole lower body was numb. He crawled, zombie-like, toward the electronics shop and bought another VAIO. _Must see Rockhopper… must open Facebook… must play Barn Buddies… must use the internet…_

Clutching his glossy **_black_** laptop (apparently he wasn't sane enough to realize this), the psycho-turned-extreme psycho dragged himself toward Aerith and Zack's flowerbed to get the internet installed.

He had barely reached the tip of the flowerbed when he fainted, his blood-red eyes still open maniacally.

"Zack, is that…?" Aerith said, running worriedly over to Sephiroth.

"Crap, it is!" Zack said, following.

Aerith took one look at the new VAIO, Sephiroth's bloody, sore hands, badly beaten eyes, drooling mouth, then turned to Zack and said, "I'd say I told you so, but…"

"Not even you expected him to get this psychotic, right?"

"Yeah. Not even me."

**_~fin~_**

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Yeah, I know, that was terrible (but maybe not... nah) but reviews are demeciated (appreciated) (if you haven't watched Bedtime Stories, go watch it now) and hopefully you add this or me to your favorites.

And... I admit I suck at making fictional email addresses. Guess which characters took the 'imatfaultforeverything' and 'iblamemyselfforitall' names... I probably won't reveal it but it's fun to guess anyway!

Sungmin-oppa, saranghaeyo (I know it's like, betrayal to put a Korean sentence in a Japanese-based fanfic but I'm a psycho so it doesn't count)

"\^.^/"


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